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WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU COME TO SEE US or
When Happily Ever After Becomes Once Upon a Time:
The Initial Interview in Divorce and Separation
by Victoria Bender
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If it were enough to love, life would be too easy.
Camus
Family Law is unlike any other field of law in that there is a melding of emotional and logical thought. Regardless of whether your client is the actor or reactor in the divorce situation, your client is in an incredibly emotional place. Because most marriages begin in love, the breakup of most marriages is a story of love: lost, unrequited, thwarted, or continuing. While a client's logic and understanding may be pulling him or her into your office, his emotions are in the “R” stage, regret, revenge, reconciliation, resignation, recrimination, restlessness, or romance. It is important to recognize this emotional underpinning before you meet with your client. Be prepared for the passions that are moving your client to be expressed and make it a comfortable experience. A person's marriage is her/his most intimate of relationships and sharing it with your attorney places you in a vulnerable position. Your attorney must show that she or he is worthy of that trust.
The first time you enter your attorney's office is one of the most important in your relationship. The purpose of the initial interview is to receive and give basic information which will lead to an attorney-client relationship. For this reason it is important that the client feel (s)he has been treated with respect and courtesy and that you are an able attorney who will advocate the case with conviction.
I. YOUR INITIAL INTERVIEW
We have a one page intake sheet that gives us information about the client which we can use as a spring board to the initial interview. The form has boxes for the client to check as to the areas of his/her concern. At a glance you can tell the length of the marriage, the number of children, the present work status of the parties, educational level, and whether the parties have yet separated. In looking at the boxes checked stating the client's concerns, you can determine your client's immediate needs.
A. WHERE ARE YOU IN THE PROCESS?
Clients fall into several different categories:
1. Not Ready to Separate
This client is seeking information on what (s)he should expect if a separation or divorce did come about. Often times things are not going well in the marriage and the client wants to know what would happen “if”. In addition to discussing basic Big Three issues of child custody, support and property division, (see section II infra).
If the client is the earning spouse, we discuss how to avoid alimony and how to protect assets. We discuss how to leave if leaving is the desired end and how to protect oneself should the other spouse leave. At this stage it is important to gather information in order to set a framework for later work, and begin or continue to keep notes about your situation.
2. Have Discussed Separation or Desire to Separate
This client has the same situation as the client above but is at a more immediate point. At this time either both parties want to end the marriage or one party has indicated a desire to end the marriage. You are still in an excellent position to do pre-separation planning. at our office we will go over all the applicable law and discuss what needs to be done. Often time the client will need some time to place our suggestions in progress before continuing with us.
3. Separated
Once you have separated from your spouse, there is no longer the opportunity to plan the separation, but there is the opportunity to start immediate damage control, if necessary, and see that your rights and needs are preserved and taken care of.
B. WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW
Whichever category you find yourself in, you needs to know that your attorneys are professionals who can help. The first thing your attorney should do is listen to your situation.
The best information you can give is a concrete statement of goals and priorities. Often times you may be unsure of the goals or the options. There are generally two types of attorneys; those who tell the client how they intend to proceed, and those who layout the options for the client and ask that the client be a part of the decision making process. Each type of attorney appeals to a different type of client and neither style is “right” or “wrong”.
In either case, it
is important that both you and the attorney
understand your priorities and your ultimate goals.
In that manner your attorney can structure her or
his actions to correspond with your needs. However,
it is the attorney's obligation to explain to the
client why other issues may be more pressing or why
it is to the client's advantage to proceed in a
different order or manner.
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II. The Big Three Issues
The three major components in any action for separation or divorce are child custody and support; alimony; and property division. Unless the client has only one specific question, your attorney will give a general overview of the big three issues of family law. The initial consultation will be general rather than the specific. The attoprney has very little information on which to rely. The attorney should talk about the different ways a case can be managed and the different issues and give a general statement of the law on each issue.
With the preliminaries behind you, there is still one more aspect of the initial consultation which demands your attention prior to discussing the issues. Your attorney must define terms. Legal knowledge not within our clients usual conversation. Words which easily trip off our lips such as findings, QDRO, action, agreement, fault have a specialized legal meaning to which most people are not privy. Be sure that you and your attorney are both talking about the same thing.
Basic definitions and statements about the law should, as much as possible, track the language of the statutes or case law. In this manner you will avoid inadvertent misstatements. Prior to commencing a discussion of separation and divorce, your attorney must define some very basic terms such as:
- What are the grounds for divorce?
- When am I separated?
- If I can't get divorced for a year what happens during that year?
Your attorney can help negotiate an agreement to settle any or all issues between you and the spouse. If things can't be worked out by agreement, the court can enter necessary orders in the area of child custody and support, alimony, preservation of property, or preliminary distribution property. Your attoney will next give an overview of the law on the issues of alimony and spousal support, property distribution, and child cusotdy and support.
Last, the attorney should discuss fees with you. The attorney will
probably have a minimum fee and an hourly rate. You should receive a written contract. This is the time to ask questions about how you will be billed and what you can expect. Be up front and expect the same from your attorney. However, no one can predict the cost of your case. More than any other field of law, family law is not always logical. When one is dealing with emotional issues, things do not always take a smooth or expected course. However, the attorney will give you fee in formation based on the attorney's experience and knowledge of the subject as well as the time it is anticipated your matter could take in a best case scenario.
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Copyright © 2005 Bender Law Offices P.C., All Rights
Reserved.
Divorce Lawyers, Separation Attorneys, Family Law,
International Divorce, Mediation, Agreements, Child
Custody, Court Services, Alimony, Domestic Violence,
Child Support, Property Distribution, Spousal
Support
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6608-204 Six Forks Road . Raleigh, NC 27615 . USA
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Phone: 919-870-9600 . Fax: 919-847-2473
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