Scary Things

Halloween, the day when the line between the living and the dead is said to be thinnest, when the past and the future sometimes collide, when voices from the grave mingle with those who walk the earth. The world is full of scary things. But often times what first appears to be something scary is really just a person in a mask. Hmmm…. sounds a lot like family law.

Sometimes, especially when money is tight or property is mortgaged to the hilt; it appears that there is no way out of a bad situation. That’s not true. There are always choices available, but some of those choices seem scary. For example, a 50 year old mother of teen age boys who last worked in 1995 may not feel comfortable re-entering the work force. A father of 4 who let the stay at home mom take care of the day to day issues with the kids may feel parenting every day is a daunting task. A couple who owe more on their home than it is worth may feel there is nothing to be done about their bad marriage but stay in their expensive money pit. While all these situations are real and potentially difficult to deal with, they are not impossible to overcome.

When you are separating from your spouse, you need to break down the issues into manageable pieces. If you look at everything all at once, it is overwhelming, but if you look at it in small pieces, it becomes easier to handle. The 50 year old may need to visit a vocational counselor to learn what she can do with the skills she has. The father of 4 can make a schedule of what needs to be done each day and talk to experienced parents for tips and suggestions. The couple in the upside down home can look to see what options are there for giving the house to the bank, or refinancing or selling the house. Credit counselors and bankruptcy attorneys could provide useful information.

A separation or divorce can be very frightening. It would be foolish not to realize that there will be some stressful and unhappy times. Money may be tight, kids may act out, the future may seem bleak. But you can make a choice to see past the immediate fears to the new start the divorce is creating for you. You will be the person to control what and how you respond to the day to day vagaries of life. You can choose to move forward with the idea that change is possible and make choices that will allow you to take the situation you have been given and use it to the best possible outcome, or you can allow your fears to paralyze you or change you into a bitter or vindictive person. The choice is yours.